Better Know a Henchman, Part 2: Will Hench for Food

When I submitted my last listicle on the disposable underlings of your favorite X-Villains, Matt had just one question for me: “Hey, what about the Nasty Boys, and the Upstarts, and …” It was one very long question.

Clearly, a part 2 was in order, because if I don’t talk about the Nasty Boys, who will? Well, I guess Janet Jackson, but besides her?

Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (Toad’s team)

First appearance: X-Force (Vol. 1) #5, 1991

Created by: Rob Lielfeld/Fabian Nicieza

Boss: Toad, formerly Magneto’s original whipping boy

Roster: Pyro, Blob, Phantazia, Sauron

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “But … but … in order for Sauron to emerge, someone’s life essence has to be drained into me!” – Karl Lykos, to Toad, about himself, because he’s Sauron, X-Force #5. And, a few pages later: “Karl Lykos is no more, you pedantic, misshapen pustule. … I have returned. … Do you hear me, you soft, pink bags of rice paper flesh? SAURON IS BACK!” That’s some dialogue right there, y’all.

Is there a strong guy? Just an immovable fat guy.

Most original powers? Phantazia was able to disrupt electronic systems as well as her opponents’ powers.

The Externals

First appearance: X-Force (Vol. 1) #10, 1992

Created by: Rob Liefeld, Fabian Nicieza, Mark Pacella

Boss: No boss, per se, just a random assortment of immortal mutants ripping off the Highlander franchise.

Roster: Apocalypse, Saul, Gideon, Crule, Candra, Selene, Absolom, Nicodemus, Burke, Cannonball (or maybe not)

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “I finish a few more transactions, then put away the façade of Gideon, the business tycoon, allowing the reality to filter through me with the rush of the crisp mountain air.” – Gideon, to and about himself, X-Force #10

Most ’90s powers: Gideon, not so much for his powers as for his ability to be completely bald except for his long, flowing ponytail.

MVP: Apocalypse, because he’s just better at being an immortal mutant.

The Genoshan Press Gang

First appearance: Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 1) #235, 1988

Created by: Chris Claremont

Boss: The Genoshan government

Roster: Hawkshaw, Punchout, Pipeline, Wipeout

Is there a strong guy? Punchout

Most original powers? Pipeline teleports himself and others by “downloading” them and transmitting them as bits of information. Not bad for a character created before the Internet was a common thing.

The Hellions

First appearance: New Mutants (Vol. 1) #16, 1984

Created by: Chris Claremont/Sal Buscema

Boss: Emma Frost

Roster: Catseye, Empath, Jetstream, Roulette, Tarot, Thunderbird

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “I hope I do well – Manuel’s counting on Firestar, he told me – and I so want to make him and especially Miss Frost proud of me.” – Firestar (in her first appearance in the comics, fresh off her creation as a cartoon character on Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends), Uncanny X-Men #193

Most original powers: Tarot has the ability to psionically manifest the images on her tarot cards as physical constructs.

Powers most locally relevant to me: Roulette is originally from Atlantic City and has the power to affect probabilities based on the kinds of discs she throws at her enemies.

MVP: Thunderbird, who eventually reformed, changed his code name to Warpath and joined Cable’s first X-Force squad alongside Cannonball, Boom-Boom, Shatterstar and Feral.

The Nasty Boys

First appearance: X-Factor (Vol. 1) #75

Created by: Peter David

Boss: Mr. Sinister

Roster: Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod, Ruckus, Slab

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “I got your ‘no comment’ right here, Strong Guy. Ol’ Slab messed you up real good, didn’t he? Didn’t he?” – Slab, to a TV, X-Factor #75. “Slab, dear chap, you know how worried I get when you start talking in the third person.” – Gorgeous George, next panel, commenting on what Slab just said.

Is there a strong guy? Hairbag and Slab

Most original powers? Ruckus is able to absorb ambient sounds, amplify them and scream them back.

Question: Seriously, though, how did these guys make the ’90s X-Men cartoon and not the Marauders?

Fun-ish fact: Slab is the brother of Mutant Liberation Front member Thumbelina.

The Reavers

First appearance: Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 1) #229, 1988

Created by: Chris Claremont/Marc Silvestri

Boss: Donald Pierce

Roster: Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Pretty Boy, Cole, Macon, Reese, Lady Deathstryke

Most original powers? Pretty Boy has cybernetic tendrils that allow for mind control, because if Chris Claremont loves any kind of power-as-plot-device, it’s mind control. That and power dampening. Otherwise, they’re all cyborgs, so they all kinda do cyborg-y things.

MVP: Lady Deathstryke, who also wins the award for Most Hungry for Revenge on Wolverine for Whatever Reason.

The Savage Land Mutates

First appearance: X-Men (Vol. 1) #62, 1969

Created by: Roy Thomas, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer

Boss: Zaladane (originally Magneto, because ’60s Magneto was cah-razy)

Roster: Amphibius, Barbarous, Brainchild, Equilibrius, Gaza, Leash, Lorelei, Lupo, Lupa, Piper, Sauron, Vertigo, Whiteout, Worm

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “Amphibius has the mindwitch!” – Amphibius, about Psylocke. Uncanny X-Men #249. And then later, ON THE SAME PAGE, “Friends can’t help you, pretty. You’re all alone … for Amphibius to play with!”

MVP: Brainchild somehow was deemed important enough to make it into the opening credits of the ’90s X-Men cartoon.

The Upstarts

First appearance: Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 1) #281, 1991

Created by: Jim Lee/Whilce Portacio

Boss: The Gamesmaster

Roster: Fabian Cortez, Shinobi Shaw, Trevor Fitzroy, Sienna Blaze, Graydon Creed, the Fenris twins

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “But, as you can see from these transmissions from ‘Down Under’ … Trevor Fitzroy has Sentinels of his own!” – Trevor Fitzroy, to Shinobi Shaw, Uncanny X-Men #281

Is there a strong guy? No, but there’s a great scene in Uncanny X-Men #301 in which Gamesmaster puts all the Upstarts on a psilink conference call and Creed is in the middle of lifting weights, presumably to impress Veronica Corningstone when he summons her to his office at the Friends of Humanity.

Is there a psi? Gamesmaster, whose mind is constantly linked to every other on the planet. He formed the Upstarts and refereed their murder-for-points game as a way to focus himself a bit. Everyone needs a hobby, even if it’s directing people to kill former members of the Hellfire Club.

Most original powers? Sienna Blaze’s electromagnetic blasts have the power to cause localized ecological disasters. In her first meeting with the X-Men, in X-Men Unlimited #1, she almost took out Professor X, Cyclops and Storm. And then never did anything important again.

MVP: Creed, who turned out to be the son of Sabretooth and Mystique and went on to run for president only to be killed by his own mother. Also he was a big part of the second season of X-Men: The Animated Series.

Better Know a Henchman: Mutant Henchmen Through the Ages

In my recent Apocalypse for beginners column, I pulled myself back from a tangent on the henchmen of the major X-villains. Not being one to let things go, I ventured further down the rabbit hole, a deep pit full of Marauders, Dark Riders and Aco’d Lytes, and came up with this listicle of quality cronies.

Acolytes

First appearance: X-Men (Vol. 2) #1, 1991

Created by: Jim Lee/Chris Claremont

Boss: Magneto

Original roster: Fabian Cortez, Annmarie Cortez, Delgado, Chrome and a SHIELD agent named Nance Winters. Only Fabian Cortez survives the team’s first outing, and he returns not long after with a new team consisting of Frenzy, Javitz, Katu, the Kleinstock brothers, Seamus Mellencamp, Milan, Neophyte, Scanner, Senyaka, Spoor, Carmela Unuscione and Amelia Voght.

Is there a strong guy? Frenzy, who previously served Apocalypse as a member of the Alliance of Evil.

Is there a psi? Scanner is able to psychically detect mutants as well as project an astral form of herself.

Most original powers: Spoor secretes pheromones that amplify violent urges in others. Warren Ellis uses this power to great effect in Excalibur during an arc in which Spoor is a prisoner of the team on Muir Island.

Most ’90s powers: Senyaka dresses like a ninja and uses energy coils as weapons. Magneto turned Senyaka’s own coils against him during the Fatal Attractions storyline as a demonstration of his power/crazy.

MVP: Fabian Cortez, because that turncoat ratfink came back again and again as a thorn in the side both of the X-Men and his supposed idol Magneto.

Brotherhood of Evil Mutants

First appearance: X-Men (Vol. 1) #4, 1964

Created by: Stan Lee/Jack Kirby

Boss: Magneto

Original roster: Toad, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Mastermind

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “Hah! You are spunky, my little witch! I like that in a female! Someday, I may even decide that you would be a worthy mate for Mastermind!” – Mastermind, to Scarlet Witch, X-Men #4

Is there a psi? Mastermind can cast illusions that fool the mind. Close enough.

Most original powers: Toad can leap high and spit acid, though originally he was just a leaper, but without Batroc’s mastery of Savate.

Most racist powers: The Scarlet Witch has “hex powers” and was raised by gypsies.

MVP: Tie between Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch, who went on to become prominent Avengers with the occasional heel turn in which one of them would wipe out all the mutants or become a Terrigen Mist drug pusher.

Dark Riders

First appearance: X-Factor (Vol. 1) #65, 1991

Created by: Chris Claremont/Jim Lee/Whilce Portacio

Boss: Apocalypse

Original roster: Gauntlet, Barrage, Tusk, Foxbat, Psynapse, Harddrive (Note: The original Dark Riders were Inhumans, not mutants)

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “Sneaky little psi-witch … precious good your insights’ll do you tee hee … once Harddrive shuts you down … as permanently as I do your traitor ship!” – Harddrive, to Jean Grey, X-Factor #66

Is there a psi: Psynapse, whose attack on Jean Grey manages to jumpstart her dormant telepathy.

Most original powers: Tusk was a hulking brute of a monster capable of creating tiny, totes-adorbs versions of himself for maximum mayhem.

Most ’90s powers: Barrage has guns for hands. Nuff said.

MVP: See also Tusk, the only Dark Rider badass enough to be named after a Fleetwood Mac song.

Freedom Force

First appearance: Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 1) #199, 1985

Created by: Chris Claremont/John Romita Jr.

Boss: Mystique, answering in turn to Dr. Valerie Cooper

Original roster: Pyro, Avalanche, Blob, Destiny

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “Don’t need the new gal for that, boss. Let Pyro do it! His magnetic powers are of no use against my living flame!” Pyro, to Mystique, about Magneto, Uncanny X-Men #199

Is there a strong guy? No, but there’s an immovable morbidly obese person. That’s a kind of strength.

Most original powers: Destiny’s powers of precognition have helped drive plots forward for 30 years. And an entire X-series (Chris Claremont’s X-Treme X-Men) was conceived on the idea of having a bunch of mutants chase down her journals.

MVP: Tie between Pyro and Blob, if only for their inclusion in the 1992 X-Men arcade game, which made use of their infamous catchphrases that they always said: “Pyro will turn you into toast” and “Nothing moves the Blob.” The game also gave the Blob a mace for some reason.

Hellfire Club

First appearance: X-Men (Vol. 1) #129, 1980

Created by: Chris Claremont/John Byrne

Boss: Sebastian Shaw

Original roster: Emma Frost, Donald Pierce, Harry Leland, Jason Wyngarde (aka Mastermind), Black
Queen (aka Jean Grey)

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “Worry not, Jason. Had the Black Queen struck to kill, there would be nothing left of the lad but ashes.” Black Queen, to Wyngarde, X-Men #132

Is there a strong guy? Not so much an unstoppable force as an immovable object. Specifically Leland, who was able to alter the mass of an object or person, one of those fellas who can’t be moved if he doesn’t want to be moved, a la the Blob.

MVP: Emma Frost, who would spend only one decade as a villainess before getting her own junior X-team and later becoming a leader of the X-Men.

Horsemen of Apocalypse

First appearance: X-Factor (Vol. 1) #15, 1987

Created by: Louise and Walt Simonson

Boss: Apocalypse

Original roster: War (Abraham Kieros), Famine (Autumn Rolfson), Pestilence (the Morlock Plague), Death (Archangel)

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “Here, sonny, let ole granny stroke your cheek! Pestilence’s touch’ll quiet ya down – forever!” Pestilence, to Beast, X-Factor #19

Most original powers: The new-and-improved Archangel had metal wings that could fire blades capable of stabbing, poisoning and brain-frying their targets.

Marauders

First appearance: Uncanny X-Men (Vol. 1) #210, 1986

Created by: Chris Claremont/John Romita Jr.

Boss: Mr. Sinister

Original roster: Arclight, Blockbuster, Harpoon, Malice, Prism, Riptide, Sabretooth, Scalphunter, Scrambler, Vertigo

First to refer to themselves in the third person: “You are fast, Beastman, but not fast enough to best Harpoon!” – Harpoon, to Beast, X-Factor #10

Is there a psi? Kindasorta. Malice is a being of psychic energy who gets her jollies by possessing other mutants, such as Dazzler and Polaris.

Most original powers: Riptide spins like a tornado and hurls shurikens made up of a resin secreted by his own body. Pretty gross/badass.

Most racist powers: Harpoon is an Inuit mutant who chucks energy-charged “slayspears” at his victims.

MVP: Sabretooth, who made his debut as an X-villain alongside the Marauders after originally fighting Iron Fist.

Mutant Liberation Front

First appearance: New Mutants (Vol. 1) #87

Created by: Rob Liefeld/Louise Simonson

Boss: Stryfe

Original roster: Rusty Collins, Dragoness, Forearm, Kamikaze, Reaper, Skids, Strobe, Sumo, Tempo, Thumbelina, Wildside, Zero

Most original powers: Tempo is able to control the flow of time around her.

Most ’90s powers: Forearm is a bare-chested, four-armed brawler, much like Goro from Mortal Kombat.

MVP: After Marvel took over Malibu comics, Reaper appeared in a hybrid Marvel/Malibu team book called Exiles, a name later given to a book starring a team of reality-hopping mutants.

Matt here, saying to come back for a second installment where we get to know some even more obscure mutant villain groups. You thought they didn't get more obscure than the Mutant Liberation Front? Oh, just wait until you meet.. The Nasty Boys. What? Yes, that's a real thing. You'll just have to come back to find out.